There are 6 areas that I am going to cover in this series and the 1st area that I am going to cover in this blog post is all about you.
Principle #1 What you need to be and what he needs you to be
This is a topic that is dear to my heart, before I got married I did not always live as a Extraordinary Single Lady. I am not speaking to you because I had it all together, but I am speaking to you as a person who has struggled with some of the same things you as a beautiful single lady is struggling with.
I did some inner work that I believed helped me to prepare myself before I got married. Every principle that I share with you, I practice them. I had too, because I wanted to feel good about me. I wanted my happiness to be based in my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ and myself. I did not want it to be based in someone else making me happy, so I did a lot of inner work on me before I actually got married. I believe the inner work that I did helped me to be more confident, to know my worth, to value myself as a woman, a Christian and as a child of God.
The inner work that I did in my thoughts and heart helped me to know that I had options. I did not have to settle for a guy who did not line up with my morals, values and standards. I got to the point where I did not look to any person to make me happy. I learned to love my own space and enjoy my own company.
I had so many wrong ideas about what I needed to be before I attracted a mate. Things like you have to know how to cook, be domestic, look like a model, have a banging body and have your finances in order. You know all the things you read in the magazines or you learned from the world.
Today I want to present some new ideas to you. What if I told you it doesn’t matter the color of your skin, the shape of your body, your educational background, the things you’ve done in your past, how many kids you have, If you are a domestic diva, and if you can cook like Rachel Ray.
What if I told you none of that matters when you want to attract the man of your dreams.
I know my title sounds catchy, but you will see that this whole message has to do with 2 things, who God says that you are and what you think about yourself.
Today we are going to deal with your mindset! Now all of the things that I just listed in the paragraphs before are things we sometimes feel like we have to have to attract a man to us.
All of those things are additives and bonuses after you have discovered your purpose, worth and your value. They just makes your package look that much better to any potential suitor who wants to take your hand in marriage.
Now don’t get me wrong, when you value yourself as an extraordinary lady, you are going to want to keep your environment clean, look your best and take care of yourself financially because it do not feel good to have to rely on others to support you if you are a grown woman.
Now if you are still in college, I am not talking about you. But if you are solely relying on others to fully take care of you, it does not empower you or help you to feel confident as a woman to be relying on others. Even if you are still living at home with your parents, you need to find ways to create an income for yourself so you can have money to save and buy things you want and need. It is all about taking care of yourself mentally, physically and emotionally.
There are 6 areas that I am going to cover in this series and the 1st area that I am going to cover in this blog post is all about you.
What you need to be and what he needs you to be
to keep him interested in you and to be a challenge to him. Yes, even Christian woman. I know you are thinking if it is God there should not be any game playing, I don’t have time for games and no it is not a game. But there are somethings you need to have in place so that he knows you are not like every other woman who has allowed him to get what he want without a real commitment.
I am sure you have seen woman or perhaps yourself, that have been with a guy and have bent over backwards for him, you were the nice girl, you never really said no to him, you were the yes girl, he knew your heart was gold but he end up going with or marrying the other woman.
Why did he choose the other woman? He chose the other woman because she had something about her, that made him want to commit to her. I am only going to cover the first area in this blog post. You can subscribe to Breakthrough Blog 4 Women to read this 6 part series. I also wrote a book about this titled, “How to be an EXTRAORDINARY SINGLE LADY Principles, Values and Standards, to Have Before Your Boaz Arrives.” The book goes more into depth and give more details about this subject, so if you want to know all of the principles, I suggest you get a copy of the book. Just click on the link up top and it will take you straight to my website where you can get a copy of the book.
What do you think set good quality woman apart from other women? It is being spiritual connected to God. Your future husband needs you to have a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Not a surface religious relationship with God, but a true rich God you are the air that I breathe type of relationship.
Everything you are lacking in you right now, is in God. God is the one that your true identity comes from. God created you and He knows you better than any man would ever know you.
God can make you feel whole inside. After having a true God encounter, you would never again go outside yourself looking for things and people to fulfill you. It doesn’t matter if human love did not love you the way you were meant to be loved, the only love you need to rely on is God’s love. God knew human love could not and would not sustain you. That is why he sacrificed his son Jesus on the cross for you, just to show you how valuable and worthy you are.
Who has ever proved their love to you like that? Who has ever taken their only begotten son, sacrificed his life and died on the cross just for you? No one.
So why do we fall apart, feel rejected, and not worthy when human beings do not have the capacity to love us to the standard that God loves us. No longer are you going to get validation from anyone in your life but God. And if someone compliments you, and say anything great about you, it is just a bonus to what you know to be true about yourself because your Heavenly Father already told you just how magnificent you already are.
A man needs someone to hold him accountable to be the best version of himself
Don’t get me wrong, men are just as spiritually in tuned to God as a woman is, but sometimes he is not as sensitive and intuitive as a woman may be. Sometimes a woman can make him see things in a totally different light and he will think you are amazing because he do not think like a woman.
Ladies there is something God put in a woman that is designed to help her husband but if you are not aligned with God, how can you help him properly?
To help him best, your wisdom needs to come from God, and not from the world’s wisdom. When you have God in your life, you should have standards, values, and morals. If we are reading our Bibles we should be patterning our life after the scriptures. But I do know everybody is at different levels and everyone get delivered at different times.
I know as a single lady I struggled with this flesh, I am not telling you this because I had it all together when I was single. But the Bible is truth. It is God’s word to us, to show us how we are to conduct ourselves as a Christian. I am telling you my story in hopes that you do not have to struggle in your singleness like I did. God loves us, He wants the best for your life.
The scriptures are there not to deny us of our God given desires, but the scriptures are there to protect us from using our desires in a way that will harm our spirits, emotions and our body. The scriptures are there to protect us from getting hurt from others that mean us no good and have wrong motives and intentions towards us. The scriptures are there to protect us from strife, unforgiveness, sickness, pain, and to protect us from Satan tactics.
I wished I was as focused as I am now while I was single! I am not saying this so you can stay single, but I am telling you this because I want you to know just how powerful you are as an Extraordinary Single lady, especially if you do not have kids.
You need to have purpose
You my beautiful Extraordinary Single Lady should be experiencing quantum leaps in your purpose. What ever that may be. You have nothing but time on your hands to go back to school, if that is what you want to do. Start your own business, if that is what God leading you to do. Your Boaz when he finds you, he need to find you being busy with purpose. So that he will know you are a woman of focus, and you do not have an open door policy where he thinks your time revolves around him. He needs to know, if he wants to spend time with you, he is going to have to rearrange his schedule because you are not just going to drop everything for him. That poses as a challenge to him and make you look very marketable.
You have to love and value yourself enough that you don’t loose yourself when a man shows you a little attention. Some woman give to much, to fast in relationships. You are the prize. But don’t go over board with this either because you don’t want to be so tight on schedule that you turn him off but that is another blog post. Let me stay with the message I am trying to convey.
Single lady, you can live out your purpose without distractions. You do not have to have a man on your shoulders to be in ministry. Extraordinary single lady, do not allow anyone to put limits on you! What is God putting in your heart to do! What are you passionate about? You can do it. You can devote all of your time into it becoming amazing! Take the limits off your mind. Get in God’s face and ask him what is it that you should be doing in this season of your life. Did he called you to write a book, start a ministry, be a missionary. Now is the time to fulfill your mission, your calling. Are you called to be a brand, what is it! Do it.
Do not be afraid, you have what it takes just like anyone else. Now is the time for you to dream! You have to live with purpose. You should wake up every day excited about your life. Your life should be filled with amazing purposeful things.
Do not waste anymore of your days on insignificant things, stop during things just to fill up your day because you are unhappy, unfulfilled, lonely and bored with your life. You do not have time to be getting lonely. You should be going home and can;t wait to get in your bed because your purpose has taken up most of your day.
Purpose for you could be getting your life in order, cleaning and organizing your home, trying to get your life on a schedule so you won’t be overly stressed out. Decluttering and removing unwanted items out of your life. Removing toxic people and relationships out of your life. If you have children, being present with them, making sure you have a good relationship with your children. I will be writing to the single moms in a different blog post.
You are going to have to be a woman of prayer.
There shouldn’t be a day that goes by with out communicating with God. Talk to him like a real person. Tell him everything. Ask him for everything. Go to him first before you go to anyone. Tell him what you need, and be transparent with him. Do not run from his presence when you sin. Learn how to be intimate with God. You are going to have to learn how to pray before you get married, because when you get married, you are going to stay in prayer!
When you get married, your personalities would be merging and you will have different up-bringing. You will have your way of doing things and so will he. You will need to learn how to pray so you can control your temper, learn how to talk to your husband with respect when he says something to you that is going to hurt your feeling, to submit to his headship as the leader of your family, to pray for discernment in certain situations and to learn how to listen to God’s voice in your life period.
Learn to depend and lean on God for everything. I mean everything! When your husband can’t produce a certain need for you or the family financially, you are going to have to ask God for it without putting pressure on your husband.
You gotta have standards
I want to talk more about setting standards for yourself because when you have standards you do not go for anything. What are your standards? What are those things that are non-negotiable? Our standards are a safe guard for us.
Our standards should be set for us by God and then we should have personal standards. For example, “What does the God say about premarital sex?” “What does the God say about being unequally yoked?” You are a believer of the Lord Jesus Christ and he is a believer of something else. You are a Christian but he is unsaved.
You do not smoke, but he do, is that a deal breaker for you? He is married but separated from his wife for 3 years. He is still legally married. What does the Bible say about that? He lied about having 6 children or he did not tell you he had children. What will you not put up with? Christian women and women who are not Christians feel like there is a shortage of men, so they are settling. Thy are tolerating anything from men. Allowing him to have a key to their house and driving their car. Why should he commit to you. You are giving him a wive statues with out the title!
You need to value yourself so much that you put up boundaries in all your relationships. You are always teaching people how to treat you. I can go on and on about this subject because this use to be me until I allow God to transform my mind. I am writing to you because I love my sisters and want to see them whole in every area in their life!
If you want to read this series in its entirety, I wrote an eBook for only 14.97 called,