I wanted to write a special blog post for the single ladies who have children. God’s grace extends to you. I know some of you ladies were married and conceived children with your husband but it ended in a divorce, and some of you like me, had children out of wedlock.
You are not shut out of the blessing of God. You are not disquailfied from the promises of God. God has not forgotten about you. God will send you a man after his own heart, who would love you and your children, all you have to do is believe Him and trust that there is a man, that God has for you, who will accept your children and do right by them.
I had a daughter before I meet my husband, and I wrote down in my clarity journal, that I wanted the man I married to accept my daughter, love her and treat her kindly. God blessed me with everything I asked him for.
Children are precious to God, we are to provide them with the basic necessities in life along with stability, love, boundaries and security.
Before someone new walks into their life, it is important that you establish a good relationship with your children and you establish rules, boundaries, a routine and expectations with them before you get married. Why is this important? So your new husband will not walk into a chaotic situation and your children will know how to respect your soon to be husband.
But it is also important that you establish rules, boundaries, and expectations with the man that is going to share a marriage covenant with you as well, so that he would know how you want to be treated and how you want your children to be treated.
When a new man enters your life, I would suggest you not expose your kids to him until you get to know his character and he have proven trust worthy to you. Another reason why I suggest you not expose him to your kids right away, because you need have an assurance that this relationship is leading to marriage. They do not need for men to be walking in and out of their lives.
Some children will challenge you when someone new has entered into your life, because they are afraid of someone taking time and attention away from them. They are afraid of someone coming in and trying to tell them what to do and disciplining them. They are afraid of the new man in your life trying to replace their father.
Now, when you have grown kids and they are out of the house, you do not need to worry about this. They should not be trying to control your household or your relationships. But if you still have children at home living with you, rather they are little kids, teenager or young adults they need to be respectful to you and your new husband.
The fact is, you will one day be in a blended family situation and if you want to be married, I would suggest you put structure in your home now. Setting your children a bedtime routine, and putting a schedule in place with for your children, and teaching them how to be respectful to adults.
I would suggest you schedule some quality time just for them, maybe once a week or once every other week and be consistent with it, even when you get married, it would let them know that they are important to you and the quality time you guys have with each other cannot be replaced. It is ok if your new hubby wants to come, but let him know that this special quality time belongs to the kids and it is all about them.
I would suggest that you talk to them about your desire to be married so that they would know what to expect.
Work on the relationships with their father so there will be peace in your life when your husband shows up. If you can not be at peace with him than bring in a 3rd party. A person that can intervene between to two of you, where you can drop off the kids at the 3rd party home and the father can pick up the kids there.
A little nugget I learned early on in my marriage, unless your children father is very mature and understanding, you do not allow your soon to be husband to speak for you or on your behalf with your children’s father. When it comes down to disciplining your children or even if he have children, the biological parent or the real parent should be the one to give out the consequences especially if it is a spanking.
Men do not like for another man telling him anything when it comes to his kids, egos can get in the way and cause will drama for the entire family. You want to keep the peace in your home and between your husband and their father.
Do not include the kids in adult conversation and do not bash their father in front of them or your new husband. Kids should be kids and not made to take sides with their parents. You do not want your kids setting up resentment against you or your new husband for bashing their father or if you are the step-parent, their mother.
Set rules in your house before your husband shows up, so he will know what to expect as well. Treat your kids lovingly in front of your soon to husband so he will know how you want your kids to be treated. Work on talking to them with respect and teach them to talk to you with respect. The man in your life is watching you and studying you when you are with your kids. He is watching how your kids behave and who is actually running the show.
Some men have came into women lives and destroyed the relationship she had with her kids. Men can be jealous of the relationship you have with your kids as well, that is why you have to really get to know the man in your life, because some men are wolves in sheep clothing.
I would love to hear from you. leave comment telling me how this information have helped you. I hope this blog post was helpful and gave you more incite about being Single with children. Follow me on Instagram, twitter and Facebook